Noun

Ambleguity: (n.)

The bumbling, directionless gait most often exhibited by the lost, the elderly, and by those staring into their smartphone.

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You know when you’re walking…

Let’s say you’re at a mall or something. And you’re angry to be there because malls are horrifying and gross and way too goddamn big and they smell like someone drowned an animal in cologne… and you’re trying to just get a goddamn pair of khaki pants (you refuse to call them chinos, because who authorized that name change?) but to do that you have to sift your way through a clot of obnoxious teenagers who slurp Orange Juliuses amid a henge of kiosks hocking bright, cheap tchotchkes – bubblegum colored weaves! The Zero-G Yo Yo! Some crappy RC helicopter! – and once you finally lace your way through, you’re pleased because you see the store ahead of you… but there, directly in your path, is some pocket-sized grandma with a sky blue knit cap who’s shuffling from foot to foot, not even looking where she’s going, just slowly floating along like some lost and derelict moon drifting aimlessly through space… and you try to go around her, but she oozes in your path, and so you dart a bit left, but she lurches that way too, and you find yourself on the balls of your feet, waltzing with some woman who doesn’t even know you’re there… and everything’s making you mad, but you can’t really be mad at everything so instead you just funnel all of your frustration at the back of this little old lady’s head, and you say, “Lady…” but not as under your breath as you had intended, and she jumps a bit and turns her head and looks at you with eyes that say, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I used to be so much faster.” and it puts a chill to all your hot blood, and you stop for a moment and think of how stupid you are to get so frustrated – to be in such a hurry all the time to get wherever it is you think it’s important to go… so you blink, and you say, “I’m sorry,” and she smiles. And then you walk into the store buy your pants.

That ever happened to you?

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