Noun

Lathergy: (n.)

When you’re too lazy to bother shaving.

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I haven’t shaved in weeks… and as a result, my face has metamorphosed into a pockety landscape, reminiscent of my cat’s lounging pillow.

I cannot grow facial hair the way most men grow facial hair.

My cheeks are patchy and errant, two tufts of steel wool, the color of a doormouse.

My moustache is a downy wisp of a thing, barely there. A meringue.

And yet, the longer I wait and more I edit (I’ve since jettisoned the cheekpuffs, leaving only the moustache and everpresent tuft of chin scruff), the prouder I become.

I used to roll my eyes at those baroquely moustachioed man-chaps… and with good reason, sure. It takes a certain kind of twerp to wear a 19th century moustache while talking on an iPhone. All those tiresome hipsterettes with their twee little moustache tattoos on their fingerside. Enough, I say. Enough.

But the longer I wait… the more I see.

My moustache… it’s growing fuller. Broader. I’ve never let it get this big before. So many Movembers and Moustache Marches I’ve sat by, soft-faced and sidelined. But now… I see it, growing darker… potent and powerful.

Get thee to a penny-farthing.

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