A pleasant pastiche of Pope-themed phrases.

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Well… the Pontiff doth impend.

Most Philadelphians have fled out of town, or are hiding indoors… and the streets are bustling with packs of chirpy out-of-towners, sporting brightly colored lanyards and adorable backpacks (courtesy of the Knights of Columbus – AKA: The Secret Society of Italian Grandpas). For the last few days, laborers have been hauling heavy guardrails around town in preparation for this weekend. It’s nice to see people start to fill the spaces they’ve provided. All in all everyone seems rather cheerful and happy to be here, aside from the occasional puffy, neckless cop.

Never a smile from these guys. Ever.

A few weeks ago, I invited some fans of Words That Aren’t to submit their own Pope-related terminology. The result was a lexicographical delight.

So now… on the eve (day) of the Apopecalypse… here is that list of invented words apropope (!!!) of el Papa’s arrival.

NB: I choose to use the term Apopecalypse instead of Popepocalypse because it is CLEARLY A BETTER INVENTED TERM… one which makes appropriate use of the letters at hand, and therefore producing a more natural and pleasing portmanteau.

NBB: I would like to make one thing abundantly clear – I am very excited about the Pope’s visit. The words below are cranky and funny and withering and wry… and that’s a good thing. But please let it be known that at least this Philadelphian is honored to share his home with people from all over the world. At least for the weekend. I am not a Catholic – far from it; I’m an atheist – nor am I particularly fond of the Church’s attitude toward women’s rights, contraception, and the dignity and equality of LGBT folks. But I’m able to compartmentalize those frustrations and remain a gracious and happy host to so many people for whom this weekend is a sincere opportunity (popertunity?) to share in something meaningful and beautiful for them.

That said… here is a list of words you should consider saying instead of Popepocalypse (which sucks).

Words courtesy of me:

Apopecalypse

Catholyclism

Pontifucked

Vaticancer

Words courtesy of Rachael Silverstein: 

Evaticuation

Diocease and desist

Papaltation

Words courtesy of Sean Carney: 

Massinine

Words courtesy of Steve Clark:

Pope Francesspool

Catschism

… of Vikram Paralkar: 

Papanickle

… of Laura Gallagher: 

Annoynting

… of Haley Zork McGlaughlin:

Cerebral Papalsy

… of Emma Hitchcock:

Pontiffication

… of Kim Matthews:

Liturgurgitate

… of Katherine Fritz:

Nopemobile

… of Susan Horner:

Popeltations

Pope and circumstance

… and of those who (for whatever reason, chose to remain anonymous – hello there NSA):

Overpopeulation

Popeulous

Pontifickle

Dicasterrhea

Popemanteaux

I welcome people’s input and feedback. Have a word? Add it to the list.

Welcome to Philadelphia, Pope Francis.

I think you would really like my cat.