Lathergy: (n.)

Noun

When you’re too lazy to bother shaving.

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Greetings, fellow sufferers. How fare you in these cursed and plagued times?

I don’t know about you… but I haven’t shaved in weeks. I don’t quite see the point. If the world is going to end, I’d might as well dress the part.

Trouble is… I don’t grow facial hair the way most men grow facial hair. My unshorn face looks more like a cat pillow. Wispy, errant, and sparse.

And yet, the longer I wait the prouder I become.

I used to roll my eyes at those baroquely moustachioed man-chaps… and with good reason, sure. It takes a certain kind of twerp to wear a vandyke while ordering yoga pants on an iPhone. All those tiresome hipsterettes with their twee little moustache tattoos on their fingerside. Enough, I say. Enough.

But the longer I wait… the more I see.

My moustache… it’s growing fuller. My cheeks and chin are knitting together. Broader. So many Movembers and Moustache Marches I’ve sat by, soft-faced and sidelined. But now I see my beardlette growing darker, potent, and powerful.

What if I didn’t shave at all? What if I stopped all forms of self-care from the neck up? Would I summon enough to one day have a knotted Dwarven warrior-braid?

Or the conical stalactite of a Pharoh?

Martin Van Buren’s sideburn corona?

A Rabbi’s tetragrammatonic pour?

A Marxian whisker riot?

O! So many me’s I could be.

Community Word! — Dresstiny: (n.)

Community Word, Noun

When you find that perfect dress that’s cheap and fits you just right.

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I’ve been meaning to do this for a while.

I’m opening up Words That Aren’t to all you lexinauts out there. You may have invented definitions of your own – and I’d like to give you a place to share them other than that scumtrap fool’s tavern, Urban Dictionary.

This clever, delicious word was originally shared on my twitter page (cough cough: @wordsthatarent) by @thepixiepinup.

I’m especially pleased with this, as it’s something I simply wouldn’t have thought of before… because I don’t shop for dresses.

The female point of view, ladies and gentlemen… it’s the garlic powder of perspectives… it makes everything better.

I highly suggest you send @thepixiepinup warm congratulations for her neologistical prowess.