n

Covfeferup: (n.)

n

A hasty, stupid social media blunder that conceals a much bigger and more important reality.

///

A few things to remember about covfefe-gate:

1. This is not the first time Donald Trump has tweeted mindless gibberish. He’s been doing that on a regular basis for years now.

2. While the internet has exploded with radiant squee at the “covfefe” tweet – memeing it to infinite proportion and snarking with abandon… media reports continue to posit that Donald Trump may well withdraw the United States from the Paris climate accord. A decision that, if made, will fray our already damaged relationships with our allies, and possibly irreparably damage an attempt to address the real and impending disaster that is climate change.

3. There’s no secret meaning to “covfefe.” If you look at the keyboard on your phone, and tap out the letters… you can decode it quite easily. Donald Trump tried to write the word “coverage,” but misspelled it as “covrege” because he’s fucking stupid, and he mistyped it because rather than human hands, he’s sporting the prosimian forepaws of a loris.

4. True Fact: Covfefe is Parsletongue for “bigly.”

Look.

I know memes are fun.

And I know that we’re able to do two things at once…

And that we can laugh while we wring our hands and that it’s important to remember what is best in life… and what is best in life is pointing out that Donald Trump is a copper-hued, prolapsed rectum… and that by pointing, in fact, we demonstrate not only the normal physiology of a human hand, but also the most rudimentary dexterity of pointing which, if he possessed it, would have prevented the typo in the first place…

But journalists are asking about this now. Real journalists. They’re asking the administration to clarify this mindless bit of puerile faff.

Nero fiddled while Rome burned.

Trump tweeted.

The dummies pointed at the flames.

The smart people grabbed some fucking buckets and put them out.

Grab a bucket, people.

And covfefe while we work.

Popepourri: (n.) – Community Word Extravaganza!!!

Community Word, n

A pleasant pastiche of Pope-themed phrases.

///

Well… the Pontiff doth impend.

Most Philadelphians have fled out of town, or are hiding indoors… and the streets are bustling with packs of chirpy out-of-towners, sporting brightly colored lanyards and adorable backpacks (courtesy of the Knights of Columbus – AKA: The Secret Society of Italian Grandpas). For the last few days, laborers have been hauling heavy guardrails around town in preparation for this weekend. It’s nice to see people start to fill the spaces they’ve provided. All in all everyone seems rather cheerful and happy to be here, aside from the occasional puffy, neckless cop.

Never a smile from these guys. Ever.

A few weeks ago, I invited some fans of Words That Aren’t to submit their own Pope-related terminology. The result was a lexicographical delight.

So now… on the eve (day) of the Apopecalypse… here is that list of invented words apropope (!!!) of el Papa’s arrival.

NB: I choose to use the term Apopecalypse instead of Popepocalypse because it is CLEARLY A BETTER INVENTED TERM… one which makes appropriate use of the letters at hand, and therefore producing a more natural and pleasing portmanteau.

NBB: I would like to make one thing abundantly clear – I am very excited about the Pope’s visit. The words below are cranky and funny and withering and wry… and that’s a good thing. But please let it be known that at least this Philadelphian is honored to share his home with people from all over the world. At least for the weekend. I am not a Catholic – far from it; I’m an atheist – nor am I particularly fond of the Church’s attitude toward women’s rights, contraception, and the dignity and equality of LGBT folks. But I’m able to compartmentalize those frustrations and remain a gracious and happy host to so many people for whom this weekend is a sincere opportunity (popertunity?) to share in something meaningful and beautiful for them.

That said… here is a list of words you should consider saying instead of Popepocalypse (which sucks).

Words courtesy of me:

Apopecalypse

Catholyclism

Pontifucked

Vaticancer

Words courtesy of Rachael Silverstein: 

Evaticuation

Diocease and desist

Papaltation

Words courtesy of Sean Carney: 

Massinine

Words courtesy of Steve Clark:

Pope Francesspool

Catschism

… of Vikram Paralkar: 

Papanickle

… of Laura Gallagher: 

Annoynting

… of Haley Zork McGlaughlin:

Cerebral Papalsy

… of Emma Hitchcock:

Pontiffication

… of Kim Matthews:

Liturgurgitate

… of Katherine Fritz:

Nopemobile

… of Susan Horner:

Popeltations

Pope and circumstance

… and of those who (for whatever reason, chose to remain anonymous – hello there NSA):

Overpopeulation

Popeulous

Pontifickle

Dicasterrhea

Popemanteaux

I welcome people’s input and feedback. Have a word? Add it to the list.

Welcome to Philadelphia, Pope Francis.

I think you would really like my cat.