The act of cleaning your apartment just enough to trick visitors into thinking you don’t live like a pig.
The Stages of Cleaning One’s Apartment:
1. Find your slippers.
2. Choose which episode of Frasier or Mystery Science Theater 3000 you want playing in the background.
3. Have a snack.
4. Wash the plate or bowl you used for your snack. Stand back and feel like you’ve accomplished something.
5. Shift and reassemble piles of detritus.
6. Sit down for a moment to read some old mail. Fall asleep.
7. Wake up in the dark, dazed and alone. Look at clock.
8. Spend the next fifteen minutes furiously cleaning: hiding junk, shoving things into closets, bagging garbage.
9. Accept congratulations from your girlfriend once she returns home from being a productive member of society.